On the way home tonight, Testify by Needtobreathe was playing. I hadn’t heard it in a while and I didn’t know it all that well but it’s got a catchy tune that’s literally music to my ears. I listened to it until I got home and then I stayed in my car in the parking lot singing along until it ended. I even sang the chorus almost the whole way up the two flights of stairs because I liked it that much.

"Give me your heart, give me your song
Sing it with all your might
Come to the fountain and
You can be satisfied
There is a peace, there is a love
You can get lost inside
Come to the fountain and
Let me hear you testify"

When I got into my apartment, I started playing it through a Bluetooth speaker so I could crank up the volume and really showcase my inner, super-mega rock star. What I began to realize over the course of the evening is that this song is written as a love letter from God to us. There are clear instructions on what to do. “Give me your heart, give me your song; sing it with all your might,” with an invitation to, “Come to the fountain,” to be satisfied. And if that wasn’t enough, He tells me that I can get “lost inside” peace and love. It’s not merely enough to experience peace or love but you can be lost in it. Honestly, I can’t think of anywhere better to be lost than in love.

This promise of peace, love, and satisfaction are things many of us long for; I can’t imagine I will ever have enough of any of those. I can’t ever see myself saying, “Nope, I’m good on peace and I’m completely satisfied with the amount of love in my life. No more for me, please.” It’s just not going to happen.

Shortly after I started my concert, I looked up the lyrics so my performance would be on point. I caught up to the part in the song that stopped me in my tracks. It goes a little something like this:

"Wave after wave
As deep calls to deep
Oh, I'll reveal my mystery
As soon as you start to let go"

I broke down because I knew that was a God moment. You see unless you were with me an hour earlier, you wouldn’t understand the significance of these words to me in this moment.

I was hanging out with one of my best friends. We were looking at her website as she was sharing information and updates about her nonprofit. I sat listening to her speak so passionately about this mission and how God is orchestrating everything. She was describing how words God gave her a couple of months ago, were brought to light as the true purpose of this organization. It was truly inspiring!

As we continued talking, I started thinking about how much my friend has changed. We’ve known each other for more than 25 years and it’s like I’m seeing a new side to her. It’s her total reliance on and appreciation for a God who is supplying her every need as he uses her to reach a group of people who are hurting. This picture of surrender was so beautiful! Not only did I long for it but I realized that’s what’s missing for me.

Of course, I believe in God and I go to church. The people that know me would say that I’m a good person and I’m nice most of the time. I am everything that I’m “supposed to be.” But the moment that I read those lyrics, it was like God was letting me know that while I am enough, I was not completely His. I needed to surrender.

"Into the wild
Canyons of youth
Oh, there's a world to fall into
Weightless we'll dance
Like kids on the moon
Oh, I will give myself to you
As soon as you start to let go"

Ok, God. I’m letting go.