My grandma loved the Footprints poem. One year for Christmas, I gave her a pair of handmade (by me) ceramic footprints (in the dirt, in lieu of sand) attached to construction paper which contained the poem written for her in my semi-atrocious handwriting. It seemed like she got so many Footprints knick-knacks that year but mine was unforgettable. Not because it was great, mind you; it was truly a hot mess. I have great artistic vision yet very little artistic ability. But thankfully, my grandma was a woman full of grace and love and she acted like it was the best rendition she received that year. Oh, and, I think I was in high school at this time so it wasn’t even like I was a little kid who didn’t know it was terrible. But she loved it anyway. She was just that much of a saint.

I was thinking about that poem because this is one of those days I feel like I would look back on and question why Jesus left me to walk through this alone. If you’ve read the poem, you know the answer is that He’s carrying me but it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I’m on my own this time. It feels like yet another unanswered prayer. And then there’s the sort of dread and anticipation of the answer to said prayer. What does, “working all things together for my good,” really mean? Our definitions of “good” feel vastly different some days. But I know my view is myopic where God’s is not. Still there are days like today…

The reality for me is that things are still working in my favor. Even through events that feel so daunting and overwhelming, there’s always been kindness extended, or ideas and options presented that give me hope and peace. These are things I’ve taken for granted in the past, things that as I stop to think, offer proof I’ve not been forsaken.

There’s a song (of course) by Casting Crowns called Just Be Held. I absolutely love the message in it though I wish I’d remembered it earlier when I was in my funk. The chorus kind of says it all.

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

These words give me hope, and on days like this, that’s exactly what I need.

Once you choose hope, anything’s possible.

Christopher Reeve